Tree through CarI am turning 29 on Friday, and this seemed like an appropriate time to round up my photos from the last couple of months and start a new creative cycle. I feel dissatisfied  with myself as an artist and as a person. This summer has been a struggle. I have been forced to face emotional, physical and mental challenges that I have been skirting for my entire life. My decision to try and live the rest of my life without alcohol has proven to just as scary and hard as I feared it to be. My whole life has changed. I am trying to learn to love myself and know myself and to learn from my past as opposed to running away from it. I can not believe how hard it has been. Things that I used to think were fun now feel scary. I feel more present, but I also feel more anxious and uncertain. I have an identity crisis daily, and sometimes it feels like nothing feels good. Not even food or the beach or sleeping in with my cat let alone working on projects, going to shows or trying to get into some trouble. I have a lot of work to do in order to not drink, let alone learn to live a life that is truly free and sober. Why am I telling you this?

I suppose it is because so many people that I love have been affected by my behavior, thoughts and feelings- especially in the past few months. But a lot of them still love me and are rooting for me, and that is the most incredible things in the world to me. I do not take that forgranted. Sometimes, the “big picture”- the things that are hard, the forecast of my life, the fucking fight that I must now fight every day… seems to obscure the little moments that make life worth living.

Looking at these photos made me feel a little better. Even if many are not my best. They reminded me that in spite of all the muck that has clouded my mind and heart- I did manage to have good moments with people who I love. It is important for me to look back at all these moments and remember that no matter how shitty things can feel as a whole, there are these little moments- many of which are captured in these photographs- that made me happy, even if just for a second. Some of them are better than others. A few rolls of film were destroyed by accident last week, leaving me heartbroken. I wish there were more. I wish I had gone out more, been to more shows, felt more like myself. But it is what it is, and now it is done. I look forward to what happens next, and I mean that honestly.

Local Honey
Local Honey
Swimming at “Goth Beach”
E.R. Doritios Party
Party [mix] in the E.R.
Margaret & Sam
Lisa Suckdog @ Trans Pecos


Nandas @ Palisades (RIP)
Club Mate in the coke room
Marshstepper @ Teragram Ballroom
Rudolf @ Trans Pecos
Mardi Cops
New Orleans
Dolce @ Trans Pecos
Perverted Big Bird after the Nan Goldin exhibit
Pharmakon + Cienfuegos collab @ Trans Pecos




Justin in New Orleans

It Hurts


Death Index condoms
Death Index @ Cake Shop
Kommando R.J.F. @ Trans Pecos


Anal Herse
Anal Herse @ Trans Pecos
My Dad
Neon Burgundy
Croatian Amor @ Teragram Ballroom
Angels in America @ Teragram Ballroom

Please Do Not Spit in the Garden

Xeno + Oaklander @ Home Sweet Home
Kids on the J train
Haunted House
Local Honeys Wigs
Local Honey’s wigs
Alex on acid
Tricky Yooth live from an abandoned KFC parking lot
Odwalla 88 @ Teragram Ballroom


Me and Nancy eating carrots to ease anxiety at a noise show

3 thoughts on “PHOTOS FROM SUMMER 2016

  1. That was inspiring and vulnerable. And your work is always vibrant and full of life, not to mention Rad stuff. I’m a fan! You don’t know me but maybe this’ll help…I took a break for three years from drinking until few months ago after some heavy stuff. Hurt myself and people cared about and was dealing with death. But this isn’t about me…just that Then I toured a condemned Russian prison a few weeks ago , came out and sat by the water and said “I’m really not a bad person.” Had a beer. The energy in that place was so hostile and sad/dark. Pain trapped in walls. But that’s the key…it is hard to always see. I’m fine usually but if I drink during a time of great pain or masking …it is a siren song to binging. Taking that break really gave me some self esteem back. I didn’t even drink at dads funeral so that took willpower. I think we all have a little bullshit detector we usually turn down that goes off beforehand and says “this isn’t the safest time for you to be doing this.” So whatever your situation, thanks for bravely sharing and don’t be too hard on yourself either. The truth is usually in the middle somewhere but it’s important to feel like you are also caring for yourself. Good luck! – Morgan Ywain Evans (metal riot/walking Bombs)

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. aww you put my old boot face in there!!! and great rotted dead animal photo.. saw a blated dead reat and a dissemboweled decaptated pigeon in central park…supposed to be a posh part of town!

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